


You Never See A Crash Until It’s Head On

by fictionalcandie



Series: superstars with fangirls [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Banter, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-01
Updated: 2009-10-01
Packaged: 2017-12-10 00:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/779473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalcandie/pseuds/fictionalcandie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James is blind, Lily is not, and Sirius is literally made of <em>fabulous</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Never See A Crash Until It’s Head On

“Tell me again why I had to come with?” requested Sirius, idly tapping his fingers against the armrest of the padded bench across which he was draped. “James, I get; he’s got a big fancy Quidditch thing. You, I get; you’re his plus one. Me… I do not get; I have no big fancy Quidditch thing, and I am not anybody’s plus one.”

“He values your opinion,” Lily replied soothingly, patting his leg. “His _fans_ value your opinion.”

“On his clothes, I suppose,” admitted Sirius, after a brief pause. He pouted prettily. “But I don’t even play Quidditch.”

“No,” said James, emerging from the fitting room stall, “you just fly through dragon reservations like an idiot.”

Smiling, Sirius sparkled at him. “I prefer the term ‘lunatic’ really.”

“Whatever, Mr three-time-champion lunatic. What do you think of these robes?” asked James.

Sirius considered the cut of the sleek black dress set. “Hm…” he mused. “Nice. Tight.”

James pulled a face, twisting to look at his back in the mirror. “I’d feel like the entire world was looking at my arse.”

“Oh, _James_ ,” Lily sighed exasperatedly.

“Well, why not?” asked Sirius at the same time, around a playfully leering smile. “It’s a great arse. Quite lookable.”

James’s cheeks pinked and he rolled his eyes, but he laughed. “Yeah, but that’s _you_.”

Sirius raised his brows. “You saying I’ve bad taste in arse?”

“Well, that last guy you went out with was no —”

“ _Boys_ ,” interrupted Lily sternly. “The _robes_.”

“No,” said James, and “Yes,” said Sirius.

Lily sighed again, standing up. “I’m going over to women’s,” she muttered, and went.

James was glaring at Sirius. “If you like them so much, _you_ can wear them.”

“I’m not going to a fancy-dress dinner-awards… junket _thing_ ,” countered Sirius. “And besides, those would clash with my highlights.”

“So get new ones,” argued James, already beginning to pull off the robes. “It’s been a few weeks. You could do purple again.”

“I was thinking red next, actually,” Sirius replied, collecting the robes and shaking them out. He held them up in front of him, watching the gold shimmer that showed when the black fabric caught the light. “Please, please, James, get these robes. I will give you my firstborn if you wear them in public.”

“Like I said before, _you_ wear them,” James retorted reaching into his changing stall for his jeans. “Then I’ll consider it.”

Sirius stared at the robes a moment longer. Then, pausing to toss them carefully across the bench, he strode over to the door into the shop proper and hailed an attendant.

“What was that?” James asked, buttoning his jeans.

“Seeing if they have them in silver,” answered Sirius, smirking. “If it’s in stock in my size, we both buy them.”

James froze, shirt in one fist, and considered. “Do I still get your firstborn if I wear them in public?”

“Only if I get yours for wearing mine,” Sirius said.

James deliberated another moment. “Deal,” he declared, just before an attendant entered with a silver-tinted set of the black robes, bearing a tag which smugly proclaimed it to be the exactly Sirius’s size.

Sirius’s only indication of triumph was a satisfied little hum.

“You _knew_ ,” James accused, not really sounding surprised.

“You agreed anyway.”

James huffed, and Lily walked back in, an opaque garment bag over her arm. “What’s this?” she asked, pausing just inside the door and regarding them with a raised brow.

When James turned to her, it was with a mournful expression. “Lily, I’m going to have Sirius’s first child.”

Lily blinked. Then she blinked again.

Howling with laughter, Sirius ordered James to explain properly.

—

Lily was late getting to the event. Her mother had stopped by just as she was preparing to walk out the door, and it had taken her nearly ten minutes to get her to leave again.

By the time she finally joined the crowd in front of the small stage next to the paddock — it was an informal thing, mostly for publicity for everyone involved — it had already started, and the retired Quidditch star-turned-Head of Magical Games and Sports who was hosting it this year was standing next to James, asking him something.

“… friends with Sirius Black,” said the event’s host, smiling slightly. “Aren’t you?”

James nodded, grinning. “Oh, yes. Sirius is awesome. We’re very close.”

“You know, he’s here today.”

Lily watched as James stood up a bit straighter suddenly. “He is?”

“Yep. He’s our next guest. We have him backstage.” The host paused to grin at James, and then their audience. “Shall we bring him out?”

While the audience cheered loudly, James didn’t say anything, but Lily saw him smile slightly.

“Well then.” Taking a step away, the host held out his arm in an inviting gesture toward the side of the stage. “Witches and wizards, please welcome Sirius Black!”

Sirius strode out, the blue streaks in his black hair shining under the bright sunlight. “Thank you,” he said to the audience, with a little bow. He turned to James, whose face lit up, and caught him in a tight hug. “Fancy seeing you here, James.”

“Well, _I’m_ surprised,” laughed James, letting go of the taller man.

Their arms stayed wrapped around each other, Sirius’s across James’s shoulders and James’s curled about Sirius’s waist.

“Now, we were going to have each of you give your demonstration separately,” said the host, with a sideways look at the crowd, “but since we’ve got you both up here, maybe you’d be willing to do it together.”

James and Sirius glanced at each other. Lily wondered if she was the only one who noticed the affectionate gleam in their eyes.

“You didn’t bring a dragon for this lunatic here, did you?” James asked the host, as if he were seriously considering turning it down.

Sirius grinned darkly. “What’s the matter, can’t handle a little heat?”

“Fire _burns_ ,” accused James.

Sirius threw his head back and laughed. Lily watched the line of his throat, until she noticed James doing the same thing.

“No, no dragon,” the host assured, also smiling, though his was no-where near as wide as James’s. “We’re amazed enough each time he manages to come out of one of those races with all his parts in the proper place. I don’t think anyone’s in a hurry to risk you the same way, James.”

“You’re too important to your fans,” Sirius interpreted knowingly. “We wouldn’t want your precious self getting singed.”

James beamed at him, his mouth slightly open while he smiled with his eyes. Lily sighed.

“On the other hand,” the host was saying, “we also didn’t bring any Quidditch balls, so you shouldn’t be too far out of your depth, Sirius.”

“Excellent!”

Grinning, the host turned to the crowd. “So, what do you say, folks? You ready to see these two fly our obstacle course?”

The people all around Lily cheered loudly, but she didn’t join in.

—

“That was fantastic,” pronounced Sirius, rising from his chair. “But now I’ve got to run.” He leaned over the table to kiss Lily’s cheek, and then along the table to drop a kiss on James’s head, as well. “Thank you for dinner.”

“You’re paying for drinks next week,” James reminded him, standing too, pulling Sirius into a quick hug. “After my fancy Quidditch thing. Don’t forget.”

Sirius grinned at James, his eyes bright. “I won’t, don’t worry. I’ve got the place picked out, and everything.”

“I’m sure it’ll be wonderful,” said Lily, because James was still too busy looking at Sirius with his mouth slightly open and his expression too intense. She smiled slightly. “Enjoy yourself, Black.”

Sirius kissed her cheek again, rested his hand on James’s shoulder a moment longer than necessary, and headed out of the restaurant. James remained standing, watching until Sirius paused at the door and turned, waving. James waved back, smiling softly, then returned to his seat.

Lily sighed.

James gave her an absently concerned look, his eyes still soft and the corner of his mouth still quirked in a smile. “Something the matter, honey?”

“We need to break up, James.”

James’s face went a perfectly startled blank. “We… what?”

“There’s only so much I can take,” Lily explained, as if she hadn’t heard James. “We’ve been together a long time, and I know you’re used to that, but—”

“What the _hell_ are you talking about, Lily?”

“I’m talking about you,” Lily picked up her wineglass with one hand and pointed her dessert fork at him with the other, “and me, and us, and how we aren’t anymore and _shouldn’t_ be.”

James stared at her, just… _stared_. Then he took her wineglass away.

“You, James,” she declared firmly, reaching for _his_ wineglass, “are in love with Sirius.”

“I’m…” his voice trailed off and he sat there blankly for a moment, before he started laughing.

It was loud and amused at first, drawing the attention of the other patrons, but as Lily continued to look at James seriously, it got quieter and more unsettled. After a bit, it died entirely. James’s eyes were enormous.

“… shit, you actually think I _am_ ,” he muttered, shocked.

“You _are_ ,” Lily insisted. “Your symptoms are classic.” She waved her fork, sprinkling chocolate cake crumbs across the tablecloth. “Don’t even try to deny it.”

“I’m not in love with him!” James half-shrieked. “I don’t have symptoms!”

“You are. You do.” She arched a brow, dropping her fork and snatching her wineglass back from James’s now-limp hand, so she had two. “What else would you call that heart-eyeing you do whenever he’s in your line of sight?”

James blinked. “What the hell, Lily?”

Lily ignored him. “And you are _always touching him_.”

“I hug him!” snapped James defensively. “We’re best friends. Best friends hug.”

“But your hugs _never end_ ,” Lily pointed out. “You always stay wrapped around each other for as long as you think you can get away with it. Even when you do finally let them end, you’re always reaching over, petting his hair or fondling his random articles of leather or grabbing his belt or some shit I don’t know. You can’t be in the same room with him if you aren’t at least brushing shoulders or thighs or _something_.”

James opened his mouth, but he didn’t seem to know what to say to that, so no sound came out.

“And you talk about him,” Lily went on relentlessly, downing the last of her wine. She turned a predatory eye on the rest of his, in her other hand. “A _lot_. He’s mentioned more often in more of your articles than I am. I checked.”

“… you’ve gone insane, haven’t you?” James finally asked, in a desperate tone.

“No, I haven’t!” She glared at him. “I’ve just started believing my eyes, is all.”

James shook his head, mouth moving wordlessly.

“Shoo,” Lily said eventually, waving him away from the table. “Walk around. Think about it.”

James didn’t look like he could _stop_ thinking about it, so he obediently got up and walked out of the restaurant.

—

Naturally, James found himself outside Sirius’s flat.

“Lily’s lost her mind,” James said, as soon Sirius opened his door, looking mildly surprised to see that it was James on the other side of it. “Gone completely _mental_.”

“Yeah?” said Sirius, raising an eyebrow, as James walked past him, his hand pressing lingeringly against Sirius’s chest.

“Yeah.” James nodded. “It’s ridiculous. And kind of hilarious. You will laugh.”

Sirius sort of half grinned, half smirked, crossing his arms expectantly and leaning slightly forward. “Let’s hear it, then.”

“Okay, so she said…” James paused dramatically, giving Sirius an amused, teasing glance. “Are you sure you’re ready for this.”

Sirius sighed. “ _James_ ,” he said sternly, narrowing his eyes pointedly.

“Fine, fine!” James shook his head. “She said I have symptoms.”

“Symptoms,” Sirius repeated, after a moment, nonplussed. “Symptoms of… what? Are you diseased now, and you didn’t tell me?”

“No, no, no, she said there were symptoms that I was in love with you,” corrected James hurriedly, still shaking his head. He laughed a bit. “I mean — seriously. Like I’d be _in love_ with _you_. Mental!”

Sirius went very, very still, and his eyes got quiet.

A second later, James froze, too.

“… oh, God,” he whispered.

Sirius licked his lips, looking briefly away from James. “What kind of symptoms?” he asked hesitantly.

“I… She says we touch.”

Sirius nodded.

“She says we touch a lot,” James added, clearing his throat. At his sides, his hands twitched, like they wanted to move toward Sirius but he wouldn’t let them. “She says we’re always touching if we’re in the same room. She— I like touching you.”

“That could be a symptom… of that,” agreed Sirius, his voice uneven.

James’s head tilted slightly to the side. “You like touching me.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Everyone already knew that, James.”

“That _is_ a symptom,” James said forcefully, and ran a hand through his hair.

Sirius didn’t bother denying it. “Did she mention others?”

“She says I look— that I heart-eye you.” James paused, frowning. “Whatever the hell _that_ is.”

Sirius shrugged. “Well you’re always making these great big doe eyes at me…” he muttered.

“How would you know?!”

“Because I’m making them back!”

They stared at each other silently for several minutes. Abruptly, James turned back to the door.

Sirius jerked slightly, a panicked look flashing across his eyes. “Where are you going?”

“I need to go agree with Lily,” James explained, starting a slow grin. “I want to be officially free before I show up at that fancy Quidditch thing with my arm around _you_.”


End file.
